You are seriously like the best brother I have. Wait, you're the only brother I have, oh no -- there are those two half brothers, but they don't count cause they suck. So seriously, thanks for being so awesome. I know it's hard work to be so awesome ALL the frickin' time, but keep it up because the city of Richmond is depending on you for its awesomeness guidelines. Plus, if you're not awesome and popular, then what are you? I mean, no one wants to be friends with a loser, and that's not what I signed up for in being your brother. So stay cool, ok? I don't even need to tell you though, cause coolness comes naturally to you. That's why you're so easy to love. Now I'm rambling, I meant to just say Happy Birthday, but your awesomeness has overtaken me and made me diarrhea of the mouth and keyboard. In all seriousness, Thanks for being the brother that I look up to and turn to for all my "how to be a pimp" needs. Not sure if you know this, but people worship you, I read it in the National Geographic when I was taking a dump at work the other day -- some tribal religion in Papua New Guinea is actually centered around you as their number one god! Their number two god was some chick from Real Housewives of Atlanta or some bullshit, thank the gods that you were their number one. After I read it I said aloud, "I knew it! I just knew that brother of mine was a god!" The guy in the stall next to me sure thought I was weird, cause who yells that kind of stuff when they're crapping. Anyway, for real, Happy Birthday you mega super hero brother that never even needs sleep cause he's a divine machine! So cool. My friends are all jealous, and that makes me feel good about myself.
